The Holidays and the other random days of the year!

Your grief comes and goes, it hits at weird and inappropriate times too. As I was sitting in class and watching the Family Stone, there's a point in the movie where one by one the children start to realize that their mom is dieing. Usually I am not an emotional person, but it just hit me hard. The movie takes place around Christmas, and watching all the children come home and spending time together, just rubbed me wrong. I began to choke up as I thought how I wouldn't be able to share completely in that joy, that there will always be something missing from my holidays.

It is not the first time that I have been hit by that realization, but something about that moment in the film just really hit home. I sat there trying to choke back that emotions that were starting to rise to the surface. I was em,embarrassed and uncomfortable and thought about leaving class, because I was not sure that I could handle it. I hate that vulnerable feeling that comes out of nowhere it is so awkward, you really just do not know what to do with yourself.

After leaving class I was just in this awful trans like mode, where I assume I will be for a good majority of the rest of the day. Yes, it definitely puts a damper on your plans. Wouldn't it be nice if you could map these freak moments out on a calendar so it wouldn't interrupt your plans? It would work so much better for myself!

Of course to it is that ti me of year, the holiday season brings great joy, but often a sentimental remembrance that makes you edgy and upset on occasion. I can now almost pinpoint the day this period begins and ends. It's funny how over the years that you become so in tune with your emotional state that you can predict feelings sometimes and then years later out of no where this god awful break down comes in. I think it is a matter of accepting that you will have your good and bad days and it is just a matter of learning how to live with them. I wish I had a mapped out calendar of days you should be aware of, but unfortunately life is not that easy!

This will be my last post for my class. But I do plan on checking to see if anyone has showed interest in it afterward, so please if you need to voice the frustrations in your life please do so here. As this is always a shoulder to lean on and someone to vent to.

Thank you,

Chelsey