Living, One Year After

Living, One Year After is a poem I wrote for my poetry class in high school. I ended up reading this to the class exactly one year after my mom's death. Many in the class new her and were crying, which made me feel awkward as I did not like showing my emotions in public. I was doing OK and when others would fall apart I just didn't know what to do. I thought why did I have to comfort others over my moms death I'm fine why aren't they? But, through my grieving process I found that writing was a huge outlet for my frustrations, anger, sadness, it helped to see everything on paper. Maybe it is physically being able to see what you are feeling that helps, whatever it was it helped pull my thoughts together.

Living, One Year After

Sitting here I flash back exactly one year ago

To the horror and pain that flooded my body

All of us standing around your bed letting you go.

I go back six days before, when you left for surgery

Too consumed in my own life, not even a goodbye

I slept in the warmth of my bed, while you on a cold table

Waiting outside for you to wake up, not knowing the outcome

With an absent minded mistake, your life they took away

Depriving the world of a comedian, hero, nurse, friend, and mom

As sirens approached an odd fear overwhelmed my heart

As I thought of yesterdays shopping trip, coffee, and chats

Not possibly imagining that they would be our very last

The following days were a blur, as people came and went

I sat at your bedside doing your hair, rubbing your hand

Looking at pictures kids had sent, everyone thinking of you

While in my morn my head held high as I cared for everyone too

Running on fumes I just hoped and prayed that I could be like you

Not as strong was I, but I tried to fill your outstanding shoes

Until that day, one week past that we had to call your last

Everyone bedside holding on as the nurse pulled the plug

It took 20 minutes for your heart to let go, ours are still saying no

But strong I hold not letting you down, ever so firm I stand

For me to hold on would be nothing short of selfish

Because today, one year after I know you're smiling down.